The Soldier

I barely slept when she was little. Even when I did, I was restless. How could I protect her in my dreams? A nodding watchman sounds no warning. Like a tin soldier in a quiet house, a new father's love keeps him up at night. He would rather save the day and lose himself than live knowing he betrayed that love. Truth be told,...back then I was terrified that my unresolved past would somehow ruin my family. Each night, in the dark and lonely hours before my daughter woke, I learned to face my fears. Pacing til my feet were sore, the creaking floors would talk beneath me. My mind would race with all it's fearful warnings and still no villain came. Every day the sun still came up and that beautiful child would open her blue eyes. There was a quality of joy in that moment she woke that silenced my mind. A selfish man learns to survive alone. His frigidity keeps the regrets of the past from catching him in the present. For me, fatherhood has never been a burden but rather an unburdening that gave me back the warmth of being worthy.