help

"Soft voices rise, playful as a baby's smile, holding time in check. The child like tellings of our daily toils, carried by the agency of the wind, free us if only for an instant. Above us, in some strange embrace, the humility of our condition colors the night sky while the timid mystery of our existence unfolds. Star crossed lovers and children pray the hardest, begging whatever god may be for that which may or may not save them."

"Short Timing"

I used to stand in the cold, watching the rain drip from the brim of my hat. I wanted someone to notice how stoic I was. In these moments I imagined my life had a soundtrack. As the music played, I stared toward the horizon like a man wandering around in an echo. I heard only the rain and the narrator's voice describing me to the audience. I lived in this intoxication, hiding from the squareness of reality.

In hindsight, the truth about me was that I was just scared. Creating a place inside oneself that feels safe is not the worst a person could do. I never wanted to hurt anyone; I was just trying to survive the internal battles that came in waves. Sometimes I felt like the world operated on a different frequency than myself, pulsing with a slanted rage that was too powerful to survive. If fighting is futile and surrender means you become what you hate, you learn to cultivate a private impropriety of sorts. At this point, It doesn't matter whether or not anyone ever notices that you seem lost. At least what's inside is yours. No one has the power to clip the wings of a bird that only flies in the imagination of a desperate man.

"When Will it Stop?"

"If you see me standing alone with my back against a wall; I am trying hard to look the part. I lean on one foot, one leg folded, one Chuck Taylor planted on the bricks behind me. Like a soldier, I square my shoulders, arms folded chin fixed and forward. Each bare knuckle hosts a scar, an episodic record of entanglements. My past has posed me this way, outside the margins, ready to die for respect. When we meet,if you lie like you know, I'll know, believe it. Detecting that which I consider "fake" keeps me alive. Real knows real and the world at large hates a hater."