It's been three years,
But even in a pitch black room full of strangers,
I would know which hand was hers.
I used to tell her this when we held hands, and it was absolutely true.
My God she is still just that beautiful,
That's part of why it still hurts.
Tapered so thinly, her hand fit easily in my palm.
And there was the way she held her fingers so close together, like royalty in a ticker tape parade.
I think in part due to her ability to speak with her hands.
With languages and music, she was simply brilliant.
It still makes me laugh; all the finger spelling in her sleep.
The last time she loved me,
I think it was Versailles.
Through the lazer lights and man made fog,
She gave me that desirous glance for the last time.
We were there to take the castle, the sun almost down.
Mid country, a land away,
As two poor children in the palace of a foreign king,
We were powerful leaders of a private resistance and we knew it.
But, I was mistaken to think,
Beauty of this kind could be anything but free.
I never wanted to possess her,
Only be a part of the way she shined.
But no other person can be the vessel that carries our worth.
She noticed this from the beginning, that I was broken.
It always showed up when she wanted to dance.
She tried so hard to pull me out of myself,
But I anguished about what other people would think,
Missing over and over the chances to make her happy.
I was just afraid she'd fly away,
The dancing fool I wished I'd been,
Alone and lost inside myself,
Knowing that my chance had passed,
to put her needs ahead of mine.
I thought I needed her to prove my worth,
Kneeling when she screamed,
Standing when she caved,
Hanging on for dear life while trying to convince her/myself I was loveable.
This kind of push and pull,
It's like a storm.
Confusing love with other things.
Despite all this,
We fought the world together.
Accentuating our better selves,
Especially when the world pushed back.
If nothing,
What I need to say is finally clear.
My holding back somehow undone.
I applaud your courage to scale the palace walls alone,
And I'm not so sure I would have even tried if you hadn't let me go.
